#39 - No no no
Yes, a balancing act, and help yourself
I’m a chronic people pleaser. Always have been.
As a result saying no has never been easy. But now, with Unplugged becoming more visible, it’s a muscle I need to develop.
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Yes
A familiar word to us people pleasers. I’ve always been a yes man. Sure, it can lead one down a bad path but it also adds a certain richness to life. You never know what’s around the corner.
Saying yes is a remarkable creator of serendipity. On a whim, I’ve spoken to all sorts of random people since starting Unplugged. Many of those conversations have proved invaluable. But now it’s getting difficult. The inbound messages are rapidly increasing. Now it’s a case of not drowning.
A Balancing Act
I have a hard time figuring out the balance. Life is richer is you go with the flow. But how to avoid being pulled under?
The problem is a classic case of the planning fallacy: we humans shockingly underestimate what we can handle. Sure I can squeeze that in! I naively think. Again. Blank space in my calendar is devoured by anyone who drops into my inbox. Yet it’s that the blank space is where the magic happens.
Take this week for example: I had two days on the road visiting cabin sites (an occupational hazard in my line of work). Three evenings spent at dinners. And I filled what’s left with meetings and calls. Little blank space. As result I was playing catchup all week. I just about managed to carve out time to ponder. It took cancelling a fourth dinner, and reclaiming Thursday evening, to finally get my head straight. Up until then I was sleep walking.
Help Yourself
What is one to do? Say yes and engineer serendipity or say no and find head space? Both contribute to a life well lived, but it’s the balance that’s tricky. It all comes down to prioritisation. What to prioritise? You might wonder. That’s easy: Yourself.
Help yourself so you can help others. Simple.
It all starts with you. If you’re stressed and anxious you’re not much help to anyone. That’s why saying “no” matters. As much as for you the reader, I’m writing this as a reminder to myself.
Saying no is the kindest thing you do. Because the blank space that’s left gives you the platform to do some good in this world. And, really, that’s what it’s all about.
I suddenly got less busy today. Shortly after drafting this post. My planned site visit got cancelled last minute. As a result I have a free calendar. A whole day! I’m half way through now and it’s been rather life changing.
I’m kinder when less busy. A full calendar and the day passes in a blur. I struggle to get out of my own head.
But today? With all this free time I’ve felt more compassionate. My focus has shifted to making the other person’s day a little bit better.
Aren’t you supposed to be running a startup? You might be thinking. I know the above might not sound very productive. But I find it is. A startup is just a group of people working towards a shared vision. As a result all startup issues are people issues, with ego usually at the heart. Focusing on helping others bypasses ego. It gets you out of your head.
It’s on these days that I’m better at my job (not good, but better!). The busy days are when I drop the ball, and yet every time I get a new meeting request I forget this.
This article today is another reminder for me, and hopefully you, to say “no” more. So I/you can be kinder and do less, better.
Thank you Connor Swenson for the inspiration. Enlightening as ever. 🙏
My Week in Books📚
But You Did Not Come Back by Marceline Loridan-Ivens
Incredibly humbling.
Loridan-Ivens survived Auschwitz and wrote this book 70 years later, to her father that didn’t. “Haunting and Beautiful” it says on the cover. I don’t have anything to add to that. Highly recommended.
Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel
Wonderful. It’s been a while since I’ve read fiction- you forget just how gripping a good novel can be. Struggled to put it down.
Written in 2014 it’s a story about a global pandemic and what happened next. My twin sister recommended it. She spent the pandemic on an island off the coast of Mozambique. This book was in the library with a note inside: “If there ever is a global pandemic, this is where I’d want to spend it.” Funny old world we live in!
Apart from the deeply improbable premise it’s a fantastic book. Very clever.
I’ll be updating the books I’ve read this year here. Any recommendations? Let me know!
A Final Thought 💡
“Take a rest. A field that has rested yields a beautiful crop.”
– Ovid