I’m a pretty good correspondent.
It’s a real weakness.
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What a Joy
What a joy to be a good correspondent.
I’ve prided myself on it over the years. It warms the heart to receive appreciation over a speedy response.
But there’s a problem with being a good correspondent. People reply.
Then where does that leave you? With more corresponding.
When I was younger this wasn’t an issue. Little occupied my mind and who wanted to correspond with me anyway? It was easy. I could correspond to my heart’s content.
Growing up comes with challenges. Chief amongst them is the extra responsibilities. This posed a problem for me, a good correspondent.
Years of diligent corresponding left me with a steady flow of correspondence. Manageable but time consuming. Then the big change. Along came a job.
The good correspondent has a choice. They can apply themselves to the working world. Or coast by to free up corresponding time. Kicking and screaming I fell into the former. I’ve suffered the consequences ever since.
A Heavy Mind
So here I find myself. In a dilemma. Much of my job is corresponding, but too much corresponding gets in the way of my job. Years of good corresponding means I’m drowning in correspondence.
I know what you’re thinking: What a twat. I don’t blame you. I’m well aware people aren’t nearly as concerned as I think they are about whether I reply. But that’s a hard concept, for a people pleaser like me, to grasp.
I feel a duty to every Whatsapp or email that plops into my inbox.
That new message becomes a problem. It exacts a cognitive load. The fuller my inbox, the heavier my mind. The important correspondence get harder to deal with.
Really, I need to be better at filtering. I’m getting there. I’ll now archive non-relevant emails. A piece of me may die each time. But it does help clear the mind.
No Good to Anyone
You’re probably still thinking I’m a twat. I get it. I’m well aware of the feeling when someone “ghosts” you. I’ve certainly felt that surge of resentment from a digital snub.
But I’ll have to get comfortable with that. To be a little more ruthless with what to correspond about. Because giving something to everyone means not helping anyone.
That’s the choice. Do I want to try and do something interesting, or spend my day replying to emails? Both are an option.
I have a balance to strike. I love a random conversation. I love offering my limited knowledge to anyone who might find it useful. But too much of either and I’m no good to anyone.
So there we are. My confession.
Please don’t take this as a “NOBODY MESSAGE ME”. It’s nothing of the sort. It’s simply a musing on a topic that occupies an unhealthy amount of my attention.
If I have I failed in my correspondence to you, then please accept my sincere apologies. My incompetence is to blame rather than any malintent. The good news is you’re not missing much.
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Inspiration for this came from:
1) This conversation between Cal Newport & Tim Ferriss.
2) This blog post by Neal Stephenson
Thanks Matt Stafford for the recommendation.
My Week in Books📚
Powers of Geography by Tim Marshall
Another cracker. Right up my street, as was his first book. Spain, Ethiopia, and the UK are among the featured. I feel I know the world a little better.
The Science of Storytelling by Will Storr
A wonderful book. I’m not a great storyteller. Long term newsletter subscribers don’t need reminding. But I’d love to get better. This book is a good start.
I’ll be updating the books I’ve read this year here. Any recommendations? Let me know! See 2021’s books here.
A Final Thought 💡
“The proper definition of a man is an animal that writes letters.”
― Lewis Carroll