#15 - Doing The Hard Thing
Bottle job, walking away, and an easy life
Last week I started seeing a Psychosexual therapist. That is, a therapist who specialises in sex and relationships.
It’s something I’ve put off for years. I’ve done the easy thing; I’ve avoided it.
Bottle job
Never, in my 26 years, have I made it past the two month mark of a relationship.
It’s always the same: my hands go clammy, the walls feel like they’re closing in, and I cut and run. I bottle it. Every time.
I’ve got round it by avoiding relationships. It’s been easy. Facing up to it, on the other hand, has always seemed too difficult.
But that’s the problem. It’s not the easy choices that lead to an easy life, it’s the hard choices. Easy choices, hard life; hard choices, easy life.
Finally I’ve done the hard thing. I’ve addressed it.
Walking away
I’m only able to take this step due to the practice doing hard things whilst launching Unplugged.
When launching a startup decisions matter- a lot. Unplugged is nothing more than a product of our decisions so far. The good ones have propelled us forward and the bad ones have left a scar. It’s high stakes. I’ve learnt that it’s deciding to do the hard, uncomfortable thing that works out best in the long run.
Just this week we had to make such a decision. We walked away from a potential investor because the deal wasn’t right. Not as easy as it sounds.
We liked the guy in question. He was excited; we were excited. However, when it came to it he low-balled us: he wanted a significant discount due to the value he’d bring as an investor. No doubt an effort to start a negotiation.
The easy thing to do would have been to negotiate. When you’re an early stage startup money is money. But striking a deal has consequences. It would handicap us in every investor conversation from this point forward.
We had Monday evening to ponder. I felt an uncomfortable pull towards making a deal. Torn, I took myself for a walk. Always a good idea.
20 minutes in it hit me: this was a question of courage. I knew, deep down, the smart thing to do. What was stopping me was a lack of courage.
I finished my walk, and before turning in for the night, wrote two words on a sheet of paper: “Be brave”.
The next day we called off the deal. I’ll admit: not too heroic in the grand scheme of things. But a big step for us as first time founders.
Once we’d made the hard decision, things, once again, became easy.
Easy Life
Naval Ravikant, Silicon Valley’s resident philosopher, defines wisdom as:
“Knowing the long term consequences of your actions.”
That’s what’s going on here. Our issue is that we focus on the short term. We’re constantly avoiding pain and seeking pleasure. Often the things that will benefit us most in the long term are painful at first: the difficult conversation, resisting the craving, or getting out the door for that morning run.
But the more we take this short term pain, the less painful it becomes. Slowly but surely, our problems become manageable. Life gets easier.
My Week in Books📚
Bored & Brilliant by Manoush Zomorodi
Love it. Lots of books have been written about the benefits of time offline (I’d also recommend Digital Minimalism); this one has perhaps the most unique perspective.
Thank you Paul Van Damme for the recommendation.
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
Therapy homework. A remarkable map of the real world. When it comes to relationships each of us is either secure, anxious, or avoidant. Anxious & avoidant combos are where it gets messy. (avoidant- if you were wondering)
I’ll be updating the books I’ve read this year here. Any recommendations? Let me know!
Unplugged Update 🚀
We’re hiring! If you know any great Ops, Customer Experience, or Land people, then do pass it on. Bonus points if they love cabins.
A Final Thought 💡
“And remember this: take the hard road, not the easy one. The road that leads to life is a hard one, and it passes through a narrow gate, but the road to destruction is easy, and the gate is broad. Plenty take the easy road; few take the hard one. Your job is to find the hard one, and go by that.”
― Philip Pullman