Anything that goes wrong is my fault.
That’s my default assumption. Which is handy because it’s usually right.
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Out of Control
This is not my first post on the subject. If you’re sick of hearing about it I won’t blame you for skipping. My fault entirely.
I’m such a fan of taking the blame. It’s a wildly underrated habit. Everyone should take the blame more in my opinion. Let me see if I can convince you.
What is blame? It’s a funny thing. Google tells me the following:
Blame comes from our incessant need to explain the world around us.
If something unexpected happens our brains scramble to find the culprit. The problem is how that makes us feel.
Anger, resentment, frustration, you name it. They all come when we feel like things are out of our control. When we blame someone else we’re putting the situation out of our control. No wonder we get angry.
This coming week presents the perfect example. A tube strike.
Tube Strikes
Londoners love to hate a tube strike. I can already hear the city quietly seething in anticipation.
But there’s nothing inherently bad about it. We make that judgement ourselves. It’s a group of people protesting to another group of people, and for the most part nothing to do with us. But it can ruin our day.
We’re all been there. Running late for work. A deadline or meeting looming. Hurry to the station. And… F**K!! Those bastards! How on earth can they be striking again?!?
That’s it. Day ruined. No coming back from that.
Our level of annoyance correlates to how inconvenienced we are. Can’t attend a meeting we’re dreading? We’d be positively beaming. But waylay when we should be getting through our mountain of work? We’re furious. Why is that?
It’s ego. We’re insecure because we’re behind on work and so, rather than admit it, we project it on to a scapegoat.
Are you more annoyed by a ten minute delay when you’re running 10 minutes early or 10 minutes late? The latter of course. We blame others to cover for our ego.
It’s the same with our relationships. We fall out with friends because they let us down. How could they do that to ME?? It’s our bruised ego talking. That’s who’s to blame.
No Judgement
What if we blamed ourselves? It not difficult if you look. There’s always something we could have done better.
If someone hasn’t done what you want them to do? You didn’t do a good enough job of getting them to do it. You didn’t motivate or educate them enough. Whatever it is it’s on you.
As for the tube strike? Tube workers strike. Plan accordingly. You’re an adult after all. It also rains here in London. And yet there you are complaining because you got wet.
Blame yourself and you take responsibility. It’s incredibly empowering. Not only does it bring life firmly in your control. A big stress reliever. But it means everyone else ceases to be competitors. They become collaborators. The only person you’re competing with is yourself.
The trick is to blame yourself without judgement. Not this is my fault so I’m useless but this is my fault so I’ll do better next time. Life’s easier that way.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it works for me because is actually my fault and it’s not relevant for you. After all what about all those arseholes you deal with each day? But maybe they don’t have to be arseholes, maybe that’s down to you.
Give it go. You don’t have to believe me, but try it.
Next time the red mist descends. Next time your blood boils. Pause. And ask yourself. What could I have done better? You might be surprised.
My Week in Books📚
Shape by Jordan Ellenberg
A great read. It may be a book on Geometry but he still had me laughing out load. He’s a great writer. This covers everything from AI to elections. I’d also highly recommend his book How Not to be Wrong.
This is not Propaganda by Peter Pomerantsev
Fake news and propaganda. From Trump, to Putin, to the Philippines. Is anything truly objective these days? I’m not so sure.
I’ll be updating the books I’ve read this year here. Any recommendations? Let me know! See 2021’s books here.
A Final Thought 💡
"Don't make excuses - make good."
- Elbert Hubbard