#131 - Live a Little

Hope, Dantès, and company

And so… 

My Italian adventure comes to an end.

Was it successful? 

Remarkably.

Whilst my Italian may not have progressed beyond 10 words, I am saying Ciao! with a newfound confidence.

And, dare I say it, I’ve even caught a little sun*.

(*although no doubt will receive plenty of “thought you spent five weeks in Italy” comments upon return… ha ha, very funny 🙄)

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Hope

But it’s not my linguistic prowess or darkened skin that matter. Neither was the priority.

No; I came here to mend. And, whilst I’m not fully mended, it’s there the progress has come.

The first half of the trip, I’ll be honest, was frustrating. Part of me thought the moment my feet touched Italian soil I’d be healed. 

This was not to be.

But two things happened:

The first? 

I relearned how to hope.

Dantès

Hope is a powerful thing. 

The last year has been the first, personally, where I haven’t had unwavering hope.

But during this trip that changed.

DNRS, discussed last newsletter, helped immensely; as did the standout book- Alexandre Dumas’s stunning The Count of Monte Cristo.

I can’t tell you how much joy this book gave me; completely gripping, a wonderful cast, and packed full of wisdom.

The epic finishes with a letter from the protagonist, Edmond Dantès, to a dear friend. It concludes:

“Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day when God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words,- Wait and hope. “

Wait and hope.

At first glance one might not agree- does waiting really solve anything? Surely one must take action? But that misses the point.

Throughout the book, like any of these old books, the characters are driven by providence. They believe their actions are guided by a divine hand. And all they must do is follow. It is through this lens you see Dumas’s point.

We worry so much today. Do something or we don’t- but all the while worry whether we’re on the right track. So much of our time and energy is frittered away as such.

I’d put this down to a lack of faith.

People once had faith; their job was to do what was in their control, and the rest was left to providence. But it’s rare today.

I suspect you’re wondering whether I’m about to reveal I’m taking the cloth; I’m not. I didn’t arrive in Italy religious, and I don’t leave so. But there’s something here.

Do the right things, sure. But with those wheels in motion one must then have a little faith. A little trust in the universe.

And as for me: I’m not cured, much work to do there. But something has changed. I am ready, finally, to wait. The impatience that consumed me is no more.

And beyond that? I’m ready to hope.

The real Monte Cristo

Company

The second breakthrough was unexpected.

In recent years I’ve sought solitude to recover. When times have got challenging with health, in relationships, or at work, I seek headspace. To ponder and regroup.

But this time something surprising happened.

I had some company.

And in just a short few days, it was that, more than anything else, that boosted my health.

Why? Many reasons I’m sure. But perhaps it comes down to some advice she gave me:

I was told, can you believe it, to live a little.

Naturally I nearly choked on my celery stick when I heard that. 

Me?? Here I am spending five weeks in Italy and you’re telling me to live a little?

But once my initial indignation had died down I realised she had a point.

The last five years have been a constant drive to eliminate my many vices; to get my life on the desired path.

This has led to the removal of many of life’s pleasures. And whilst I haven’t felt deprived- other joys have entered my life- perhaps there’s something there. I find it endlessly fascinating that my health challenges began shortly after quitting drinking, for example. 

So I lived a little.

I ate an ice cream for the first time in years, even drank a glass of wine. Perhaps it was my imagination, but something inside me seemed to loosen.

Where does this leave me you might wonder.

Well, I certainly won’t go back to drinking- sobriety has been life changing- but, to put it on record, I shall endeavour to live a little more. 

To go with flow. To take life completely life as it comes. To surrender.

That’s when I’m at my best. 

And truly embrace that life happens with other people. Perhaps I’m not destined for isolation after all.

It’s not so much how we spend our lives, but who we spend them with.

Choose wisely.

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What I’ve Been Reading 📚

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

Such a joy. I’ve said my piece above but do yourself a favour and give it a go. Utterly brilliant.

Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton

I loved this. Funny, vulnerable, and alarmingly relatable in places. Well worth a read.

Thank you Rima for the recommendation! 🙏

Mountains on Horseback by David McCullough

Wonderful. The early life, and trials, of Theodore Roosevelt. You are a sum of the people you spend time with, or read books about. Felt like I needed some T.R. energy in my life; remarkable character.

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Book Club 📖

Month one of my book club with Hec A concludes.

Two weeks after finishing I’m still pondering Ulysses. It’s a unique book.

First of all, let’s be honest, Joyce was clearly completely mad.

But clearly a genius, too. And I’d say that summarises my reading experience:

There were many pages, sometimes whole chapters, where I couldn’t begin to figure out what was happening.

Fortunately they were broken up the more coherent pages; where I could glimpse into the story and the lives of our characters. Despite the impenetrability I found myself growing fond of the cast and knowing them on a level suggesting more went in than I realised.

My initial thought was just how far from reality it all is. But by the end had opposite opinion: Joyce might have done a better job of capturing the human condition than any other book I’ve read. Yes, it’s jumbled and messy and scandalous throughout. But, then again, so is life.

This won’t be my last reading of it, I suspect a little more is revealed each time. But I’d lying if said I wasn’t glad to be beyond it.

Next up it’s Homer’s Odyssey. Do drop me a message if you’re joining in!

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A Final Thought 💡

"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

- Abraham Lincoln